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- The one thing that makes me instantly happy is finding cash in a coat pocket and feeling like I have been personally selected for a government stimulus
- As annoying as a smoke detector announcing its low battery at three in the morning
- As busy as a restaurant manager on Mother's Day with three missing servers and a kitchen full of smoke
- As slow as a delivery driver searching for an apartment in a building with no numbers
- More useless than a screen door on a submarine during a particularly busy week
- As easy as falling off a log
- The most embarrassing mistake ever
- Actions speak louder than my apologies which is why nobody believes me anymore
whether the temperature should be set to 21 or 21.5 degrees
how to properly load a dishwasher without causing a diplomatic crisis
whether a hot dog is technically a sandwich or a submarine roll
memorizing the names of all the cloud types but forgetting every password I have ever created
the correct way to fold a towel according to hotel standards
who left three drops of milk in the carton and put it back in the fridge