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- As busy as a restaurant manager on Mother's Day with three missing servers and a kitchen full of smoke
- As slow as a delivery driver searching for an apartment in a building with no numbers
- More useless than a screen door on a submarine during a particularly busy week
- As easy as falling off a log
- The most embarrassing mistake ever
- Actions speak louder than my apologies which is why nobody believes me anymore
- The worst life hack ever
- The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done to get free food is telling the waiter it is my birthday in the hope of receiving a free dessert and a round of applause
the dog acting like I personally betrayed it by going to work instead of staring at it all day